Of Bobby Pins and Thongs

I was once advised to lose a little time on myself (loosely translated from the Italian). The intent was to suggest that I spend some time applying make-up, doing my hair and the like (blah, blah, and more blah). But, on occasion, I get a hankerin' to apply some make up and spend more than 3 minutes on my hair. This usually occurs in the dead of winter (because seriously, in 90 degrees, 100% humidity, why bother?). Lately, I've been attempting to do something slightly different with my hair (seeing as I've had mostly the same series of hairdos for the past decade--short to shoulder length depending on how long I've avoided a haircut). So, as I stood in front of the mirror the other day, I began to ponder bobby pins.

I am reasonably experienced stage manager. There is a certain aspects of stage management and back stage jobs in particular that I really like; namely that these roles are precisely behind the scenes. Your job is to support the production and not be seen. This is why I find it so tacky when someone decides it is a good idea to pull the stage crew out on stage during a curtain call to take a bow. I mean sure, in middle school you can let it slide because well, back stage necessarily goes to those who didn't get cast. But by the time you're working on the Ya-Yas at the BYU (Do they still have The Young Ambassadors?), one should assume that someone choosing to work backstage does not need some sort of self-esteem boost, but actually prefers not to be in the spotlight.

This takes me to my point; bobby pins, bra straps and thong underwear. All of these items, like backstage personnel, are designed for a specific support role and should remain out of the limelight. So, when I spend way too much time adjusting my bobby pins so they cannot be seen, and when I give nearly the same look of revulsion to intentionally exposed bobby pins as to intentionally exposed underwear, you will understand.

I know we're sort of past the whole thong hanging out of the pants trend, but I've recently noticed a trend of sheer tops being worn over nothing but an undergarment and I'm concerned of the resurgence of a similar trend. I don't know if you are aware, but the original purpose of the thong was not to be sexy (because really, what is sexy about butt floss?), but to avoid unsightly pantylines. Don't pretend you haven't noticed unsightly pantylines. I know you have. And the purpose of a bra is to keep your boobs from bouncing and sagging in an unsightly manner. Again, not inherently sexy. I concede that avoiding pantylines and sagging boobs can enhance sex appeal, but this is a byproduct, not the direct purpose. I digress. My point is, underwear is intended to be under there.

Likewise, and returning to the impetus for this post (standing at the mirror adjusting bobby pins), bobby pins should not be visible. I know you've seen metalhead syndrome. This has nothing to do with leggings, big hair and loud music. It manifests itself in excessive exposed metal being worn in the hair (you know, barrets, pins, clips and more, all at once). Let us consider the barrett, particularly pretty, fancy barretts. These are the stars of the show. They are intended to be seen. Even some clips and small, plain barretts can have their place in supporting roles. But, the bobby pin is strictly backstage, folks. This is why they come in shades ranging from black to blond--to match your hair. They really don't want to be seen, I promise. That is why they chose a career as a bobby pin instead of a fancy barrett or a hair ribbon.

Alright. That about sums it up. These are the things I think about on the rare occasion I spend a few minutes in front of the mirror. I mean, you gotta think about something don't you? Really, what could be more mind numbing than primping?