Baby You Can Drive My Car

The other day in the car, Elliot says: Mom, you sure are a good driver.

Me: Thanks. I try and keep us safe.

Elliot: But sometimes you get pulled over.

Will I never live that down?

Yesterday he said he wishes he was tall enough to drive (he is currently three years old). I told him some day he would be tall enough to learn how to drive. He explained that he already knows all the rules and proceeded to list them for me:

1) Try not to crash.
2) Don't get pulled over.
3) Honk at people in your way.
4) Watch out for trees about to fall on your car.
5) Turn into your driveway and don't crash into your house.
6) Don't crash into your cellar door.
7) Don't go near traps.
8) Don't break your steering wheel off.
9) Don't break your window out with your steering wheel.
10) Don't drive on trails, only roads.

Fortunately, he has 13 more years to study for the test.

Pottery

My husband is ill. I gave it to him. This is my excuse for taking a week to write about the fantastic anniversary weekend with which he surprised me last week. Back in July he told me to clear my calendar for a weekend in September. Hmmmm . . .

Then, not only did he make weekend arrangements, get this, HE MADE BABYSITTING ARRANGEMENTS! Complex ones involving a babysitter for the babysitter. Husbands don't do that do they? (Now if he'd just make date night arrangements, including babysitting . . . I know, let's not get carried away).

A week before we left, he got sick and tired of all my questions (Do I need to bring my passport? My bathing suit?) and spilled the beans. This is where we went. This is where we stayed. Nice huh? This is a part of our new state of residence I've been wanting to explore. It was peaceful. It was lovely. It was yummy. Oh, and Saturday night I was stricken with a sore throat and fell asleep about 8pm. Oops.

We ate chocolate and slept late, and watched the food channel and went shopping.

We even started to miss our kids. We got back and Ethan started yammering on and on and Matt says This is why we don't talk.

It's been nine years. Good days, bad days and some in between. I was quite the commitment-phobe when we started all this. But I have to say, I'm glad I decided to go for it. I can't imagine where I'd be if my kind, intelligent and good-natured husband hadn't looked beyond my flaws (as he still does every day) and saw something worth fighting for. I'm still a work in progress, as is this marriage and our little family. Every day. It's still worth fighting for.

Did you know that 9 years is the pottery anniversary. So I'm told. It kinda makes sense when you think about it. You take this lump of clay, or say two lumps, smoosh them together, add a little water to make it stick, shape, smoosh, shape, all the while you keep on spinning through your every day duties, still trying to smoosh and shape together. Even to figure out just what shape you're going for. After some time, it begins to take shape, to really start to evolve in to a beautiful form. But it's not done yet. There's still the fiery kiln of trials that harden and solidify the piece. And then some time to cool and set. Then the shiny glaze, more time to dry and voila! That lump of dirt has become something that is not only beautiful, but functions well.

We didn't buy any pottery--maybe I need to learn to make my own.

To Pee or to Cough, That is the Question. . .

I started coughing in May. May is the start of the allergy season around here and I've encountered numerous people that have sworn they never had allergies until they moved here. Oh, and we're surrounded on four sides by pastures of grasses. So, naturally I assumed I must be having allergies as well. It's been really, really annoying. Not just for me, but for my family and friends and all those strangers in public places that give me the swine-flu-stink-eye as I try and loudly say something about the pollen in the air.

After four months straight of sleep interrupted by coughing fits, I finally went to the doctor. A chest x-ray and an asthma test later confirmed . . . allergies. And the pill-popping commenced. I spent several long counseling sessions with pharmacists regarding which allergy medications to take in what order at what time of the day to minimize coughing and daytime drowsiness and maximize the ever-elusive sleep. Then, back to the doctor for yet another prescription allergy medication. Nada. Still coughing.

Then I realized something. May is not only the start of the allergy season around here, but it is also when I got a physical and started taking medication to treat my high blood pressure. Ten minutes quality time with my friend Google and I've discovered that my medication can cause a chronic dry cough in a fairly significant percentage of those taking it. Hmmmm, should I ask for a refund of my copays? I'm torn between being annoyed that none of the three medical professionals I saw regarding this (who reviewed my chart indicating what medication I'm taking and how long I've been taking it) caught it, and just being relieved at the thought that I may be able to sleep again.

At my request, my doctor switched my medication. The side effect of the new one? I have to pee a lot. So, my lungs have given up the late shift to my bladder.

The Song of the Albatross

I bought a piano. This is a huge step. We have moved every two years for six years now. I feel that buying a piano is a sign of a major commitment. I don't want to move it again, for a long time. And besides, I like it here.

It was a major investment--not of money, but of energy (discussion, argument, search, arrangements and so forth). But, it is here. It is ours. And Ethan will begin piano lessons in October.

This makes me feel a little grown up, and a little like a kid on Christmas morning. Our living room is starting to feel like a grown-up room. I'm not used to being a grown-up.

Wanna see?


I know, it's nothing spectacular, and it's probably older than me. But, it was a GREAT deal. And it's ours.

Nobody in our home really knows how to play it--yet. Even so, the sound of it in our home tonight made it feel like, well, home. Like family. And we're going to learn to play a little, or maybe a lot.

(I have to say, what with the downturn in the economy and living in the state with the highest unemployment rate in the nation, Craigslist is a GOLDMINE right now. )

Where am I and what have you done with my life?

I called my mother today and tried to quit my job. You know, the motherhood thing. Really, I'm just not qualified. I really think they should have given a prequalifying exam with questions like

Section 2, Potty-Training

Question #1
Your older child comes running in to tell you that your newly potty-trained younger child has just peed all over the kitchen floor in front of the fridge. What do you do?

A) Strip him down in the kitchen and throw him in the tub and everything else in the washer, then mop.
B) Cry
C) Spank him
D) Send him to Grandma

Question #2
Your older child comes running out of your bedroom yelling something about his little brother that contains the phrases "no-underwear" and "poop on your pillows". What do you do?

A) Kindly remind him that after using the potty he needs to ask for help wiping and, at a bare minimum, always remember to put his pants back on.
B) After having him assist you in changing and washing your sheets, meticulously comb the rest of the house for signs of poop, including, the guest bed, the carpet, the dining room floor, etc.
C) Scream at him
D) Call your mother and quit your crappy job
E) Both A & B

Question #3
Your well-potty-trained 5 year old child calls to you for assistance in the bathroom. You open
the door to find him standing there, poop all over the toilet seat, his thigh, the bottoms of his feet and, of course, your rug. What do you do?

A) Tell his father his son needs him.
B) Throw him in the tub and hose the place down.
C) Hand him a bucket of bleach water and go for a walk.
D) Call CPS and turn yourself in.

I would have failed to qualify for parenthood--not necessarily for incorrect answers, but for incompleteness--I'd have just put down my pencil, walked out of the room and went back to my former life wondering "what was I thinking?"

This why there is no test, no qualifications and no manual. If we realized what we were getting ourselves into, the future would only be in the hands of the competent and prepared, instead of the naive and idealistic.

Priceless . . . Sort of.

On our fun little vacation to Chicago, we opted to pay a little more for a hotel with a pool. It was fun. The boys really enjoyed it. Now we're paying for it. Here is my pool expense summary to date:

$100 (extra $20 per night for five nights for the hotel with pool)
$20 (initial doctor's visit copay to diagnose ear infection after we returned home.)
$50 (ear drops)
$10 (antibiotic)
$10 (appx cost of various over-the-counter pain medicines for ear ache)
$20 (second doctor's visit copay to diagnose continued ear infection after course of 1st antibiotic)
$20 (second antibiotic)
$10 (antibiotic ear drops)

Total: $240 and counting. The doctor would like to see him again in 10 days to verify it is gone. That's another $20 copay, and I'm running low on Tylenol and Motrin. Not to mention the inevitable snacks at the drug store while we await prescriptions. I figure we'll be lucky to get out under $300.

Cost of the pool on vacation $300
The pain of listening to a six-year-old cry about his ear for three weeks . . . extensive.
The joy of swimming . . . priceless

"I Wish We Lived Here . . . "

(Ethan, age 6, who doesn't always grasp how lucky he is to live where he does)

We had a fabulous family vacation this past week.

Since we live at a camp, we vacation in cities. This year it was Chicago--a fabulous town, and educational too. My boys learned a great deal visiting the museums and landmarks (Ethan can tell you more than you ever wanted to know about German submarines). Here are a few things I learned:

#1

A four hour train ride is not always four hours. It is sometimes closer to seven. But that's okay because, as Ethan likes to point out, you can walk up and down the train (and up and down and up and down and up and down) and you don't have to wear a seat belt.

#2

The Sears Tower is no longer the Sears Tower, it is the Willis Tower. But people look at you funny if you actually refer to it as the Willis Tower.

#3

Hotwire can get you a GREAT deal on a fancy hotel in a fabulous location.

#4

The walls at a four star hotel are not necessarily any thicker than the walls at any other hotel. Oh, and your passionate neighbors aren't any quieter either (but, if you pound on the wall and yell "KEEP IT DOWN!!" they are less likely to come over to your room in their wife beater and tell you to keep it down your own self--so pound away. It worked for me).

#5

If Bill Clinton stays at your hotel, you probably won't bump into him at the pool, but there will likely be a lot of men in dark suits hanging around talking to their watches. Which is pretty cool if you're a kid.

#6

I should budget more for eating out on vacation.

#7

My mission president and his wife are still as FANTASTIC as they were 12 years ago (I am getting old)--they even put up with my poorly behaving 6-year-old at dinner. I wish I'd remembered to take a picture.

#8

City buses and transit trains are more fun than taxi cabs--even when you're tired, but especially when you're driving.

#9

A good babysitter on a vacation is worth her weight in gold, and I still enjoy great theatre, I just don't get to experience it very often any more. You can see a video clip of the fantastic show we saw here.

And most importantly

#10

Vacations are more fun when dad can come.