The Cold War

I know, it's been far too long and all the excuses and such. I've been busy, okay?  I just popped in to mention a few of interesting facts I've learned this winter as the temperatures have dipped.  There were some days in December and January where we had to turn off the AC and turn on the heater (gasp!).  We had a whole week where the daytime highs did not break 50!  And some nights that have dipped below 40!  And so, in my miserliness I have set the thermostat for the furnace to a chilly 68 degrees at night (I'm such a Scrooge!).  Here we go, I'll try and type these with a straight face:

1. Drinking ice-water causes fever and a head-cold.  In fact foregoing ice is just the first step.  It's wisest to zap your water in the microwave for a few seconds before consuming.  One can never be too cautious.
2. Same goes for cold milk, or other cold foods.  Excepting of course ice-cream.  Somehow ice-cream is exempt from the illness rule. (But if you eat "cold" cereal, be sure to warm it up in the microwave--safety first).
3. Going outside with wet hair causes a sore-throat (I think--so hard to keep the diseases straight)
4. Going barefoot on cold floor can cause "female problems"
5. Sitting on a cold surface can cause urinary tract infection, hemorrhoids and other unmentionable below-the-waste ailments (because viruses like cold temps--and illness comes from something laying dormant in your body, just waiting for the proper cold temperature to make a go of it).
6. One can be "allergic" to cold, even if one hails from an incredibly cold climate (one can also just be paranoid).  If the temperature in a house gets below 70 degrees this will induce coughing, runny nose, hives, and I would assume eventual death.  The cure is to stuff your comforter in your closet, sleep in your underwear with a light sheet over you and turn the heat up to about 80.  
7. A draft of air, particularly of cold air and particularly while one is sleeping can cause severe nerve damage/paralysis (this one I knew from my days in Italy) so under no circumstances should any vent, fan or window be allowed to be on or opened indoors (especially in a bedroom) and all caution should be taken to cover every inch of ones body out of doors when there is any kind of breeze.  If it's windy, just stay home.  Especially if you've washed your hair in the past week.
8. Illness is caused by a change in the weather, or getting slightly chilled in some way (see above), not from simply being exposed to disease-causing micro-organisms, particularly in closed quarters.  This is why kids tend to get sick about the time they go back to school--because the weather is changing, not simply because they're suddenly locked indoors with other kids who may be sick.
9. We should all move to Russia because they have antibiotics that prevent and/or kill viruses. (If only the CDC knew!)

Oh, and an extra one, not related to temperature but useful information all the same--did you know that the reason a child may develop a stutter is simply because the child suffered a terrifying incident (such as someone jumping out from hiding and yelling "Boo!").  So take care not to scare your child.  Seriously.