Separation Anxiety

I have officially become one of "those parents". It reminds me of the moment I officially became a "freaky pet person" and a "minvan mom". You know, the kind of person you swear you'll never be.

Tonight I began crying in front of the Assistant Principal of what may very well be my son's new elementary school. I badgered the staff individually and en masse for a good hour at the kindergarten registration evening. I could see it in their eyes. I wanted to scream "I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING AND YOU'RE WRONG!" But somehow I think that would have just confirmed their suspicions. Maybe if I lay low they'll forget.

I always swore I'd never have kindergarten separation anxiety. I figured I'd be more than grateful to see the big yellow bus roll down the street. Especially considering my husband was a teacher--more than likely my kids would go to his school and it would be his problem then.

Not anymore. Now, we live in Fairyland, which is a far sight removed from normal civilization. It is a good 25 minute drive (when I really book it) to the school. I could drive him 15 minutes to the bus stop so he can ride it another hour to school, but by that time, what's the point? And, being as I don't actually live in the state where the nearest school is located, I have to get special releases and wavers to even attend. Do you see where I'm going with this? I am a high-needs parent with baggage. I keep trying to tell myself this is not standard parental separation anxiety since this is a very unique situation. But, I'm starting to suspect that I may be wrong on that count.

So, I've been considering homeschooling (more on that later), virtual online charter school, or driving him in to the nearest public school. I'd thought the virtual school was the answer to my prayers. I petitioned to get it approved, I've been closely following it's progress. The instant the lottery was opened, I signed up my child...or so I thought. Since the lottery last week, I've patiently awaited a response. Since I did not receive confirmation of his acceptance, I assumed we didn't make the lottery. So, I squared my shoulders, thought and prayed, and figured homeschooling was my next best option. Yesterday I braved the freaky homeschool store (more on that later). Tonight, after the crying incident, I read back over my confirmation from the virtual school, to see who to contact. There, right next to the word "Important" is some verbiage describing the confirming email I should have received that would give me further instructions on entering the lottery....maybe I need to go back to Kindergarten for a good lesson on "following instructions".

Back to the homeschooling experience. I went to this store, asked the nice lady for some assistance. She was very helpful, if a bit off-putting. You see, I consider myself a Christian, but this is not the primary reason I'm interested in homeschooling. This store was not listed as a Christian homeschool store. Yet, inside, nearly every text was somehow bible based. And, the conversation went something like this:

"I'm looking for some basic structure or outline for homeschooling my kindergartener."

"You just need to focus on the three "R"s."

She's not really going to list readin', ritin', and 'rithmatic is she?

"Reading, Writing, and Arithmatic and then of course, Bible knowledge."

Forgive me, but somewhere in school, I learned to spell and I believe it would be one R, one W, one, A and a B.

Oh, and fortunately, I do consider myself a Christian who understands the importance of scripture study, but in a retail establishment where the words "Christian" and "Bible" are not included anywhere in the name of the store, I would generally expect a question such as "Are you a Christian?" or "Do you intend to incorporate religious education into your homeschooling?" to be asked prior to the Bible knowledge essentials part of the discussion. But, I took this all in stride, as I did agree with her on certain points (excluding her approach--can you say "BRT"?)

I did buy some things, and rather out of character, I felt compelled to keep my mouth shut about my religion. (I came for certain knowledge you see, and didn't really have time for the standard baptist lecture on my impending damnation.)

So, yesterday I had convinced myself that I was up to homeschooling and today I went to the Kindergarten Round-up just to confirm that for myself. And what did I discover? I found a wonderful place where I think my child just might excel. There are hurdles to get over (has no one heard of half-day kindergarten around here?), so I'm not sold yet by a longshot. But, a complicated decision has just gotten more complicated. I'm trying hard not to feel like an idiot about the fact that I was somehow overcome by the emotion of this whole process and blubbered in front of the staff. I really need someone to make up my mind for me.