Hooters Air

I was surprised to learn some time ago that there is indeed a Hooters airline. My first question was what self-respecting individual would fly Hooters? My question now is who needs to fly Hooters when they can fly Delta in October?

Last week flew with my two small children across the country to visit Grandma. The flight out was unexpectedly smooth. The return flight was anything but. I’ll leave out the gory tales of tantrums, security lines, delayed flights, lost luggage, and many diapers and diarrhea and focus instead on the final leg of the journey.

I was near tears after missing a connection due to a significantly delayed and very long and trying flight when a gracious gate attendant got me and my boys onto a flight a mere two gates down that was already in the process of boarding. And, we had a whole row to ourselves to boot. I gratefully boarded and was bombarded by three very spirited flight attendants dressed in pink of all forms. I was soon to discover the reason why.

The PA system was functioning all too well that evening. I began to wonder if these ladies had had one too many before boarding. The evening’s entertainment began with the announcement that October is of course, Breast Cancer Awareness month and they giggled and mumbled something about the unfortunate lack of male flight attendants who were to miss out on something termed “the male mammogram”. I started to suspect there was good reason all the male attendants had requested another flight.

Next we were submitted to a loud and long plea to donate money to the cause. This plea somehow involved purchasing copious amounts of pink lemonade and vodka. Something tells me they had already sampled the vodka. This was followed by several announcements confirming the exact web address of the breast cancer awareness site (savethetatas.com – seriously, I looked it up).

I don’t consider myself a prude and am up for some humor on my flight, but I was traveling with small children, one of which is not too young to ask “mommy, what are “Ta Tas”? I didn’t really want to add that word to his vocabulary this evening, so I was a bit annoyed. Fortunately, he didn’t pick up on the term.

Of course, this was only the beginning and it was bound to be a long flight.

Oh yes, there was happy chatter all evening on that blasted PA, the final straw however, came as we were taxing to the gate and she got on to make one last plea for money (I think people were paying her to just stop talking at that point).

And she said (I am not making this up):

“It is a fact that most breast lumps are discovered in wives by their husbands. So, I won’t say anything more except go home and fondle your wives tonight.”

Mommy, what does fondle mean?

What happened to “Welcome to Atlanta, local time is 7:45 pm, we hope you enjoyed your flight”?

“GO HOME AND FONDLE YOUR WIVES”!?!? Ladies, please, there are children present. I’m not one to try and get anybody fired, but I’ll certainly check out all the options before flying Delta again, especially in October.