But stupidity is a close second.
Hell must have frozen over because y'all, we have acquired a trampoline. I'm somewhat afeared of various injuries to be had by my children playing on the mammoth thing (my husband insisted on the largest model). But I'm much more afeared since reading the 26 safety precautions in the instructions. Not only for the safety of my children, but for the increasing rate of stupidity that has made such "important precautions" well, important enough to print. My favorites:
#15: Do not jump on the trampoline while you have or are holding any objects, especially something sharp or breakable.
#16: Do not use the trampoline and enclosure if you have been using alcohol or drugs. These things cause you to not be able to move as fast, have poor judgment, and have poor physical coordination.
and
#22: Do not try to jump over the netting.
Ya think?
I have full intention of bending rules numbered 1 (sometimes), 3 (only slightly), 5 (although it's very vague), 6 (when the mood strikes), 7 (just the end), 11 (all the time), 12 (see below), 13, 17, and 26.
I have a question regarding #12: This trampoline enclosure is made for users who do not weigh more than 250 pounds and children less than 6 years old should not use it. And that goes double for children under six who weigh more than 250 pounds!
So what I want to know is if I'm going to bend #12 by allowing my 5 year old to jump, do you think I could bend the rules to allow my 280 pound self jump despite the 250 pound limit? It's only 30 pounds . . . I mean really, hows we fat people supposed to lose weigh if the exercise equipment is made for skinny people? (I know, a trampoline isn't necessarily exercise equipment, but it could be).
Or do you think the weight rule is less about capacity as it is about aesthetics? Because when you're jumping, the whole neighborhood can see you over the fence. You know like the rule that low-rise jeans should not come in plus sizes. I mean just because they fit, doesn't mean you should wear them, you know? So maybe they needed to add a #27: Do not jump naked, especially if you weigh over 250 pounds.
3 comments:
This is one of the funniest things I have read in the past month. Craig and I were both cracking up when I read it aloud to him in the car yesterday. So, so funny.
Glad to hear your voice on here again, my friend. I'll call soon. Have to have an unoccupied minute during non-vampire hours first!
Looks like you've relocated?! I should read further eh?! Haven't checked it out your blog for a while, but love yet another post! Grew up with trampoline-well, my teen years-but parents didn't decide they needed enclosure 'til my rowdy boys came along & am sure glad they did since its limits have been tested:) in the meantime, i haven't fallen off, but have added encouragement to do Kegels:)
I was once present at a nieghborhood association meeting where a complaint was lodged about neighbors jumping on the trampoline naked. I now have a new image to add to my memory bank. Thanks. Just in case you are planning on trying this after having two children, do wear some kind of protective undergarment. And tryi it out alone first.
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