I've been occasionally attending an old-lady water aerobics class. At one point in the class we need to spread out and find a suitable depth to stay at for a bit. The instructor always says "Okay Ladies, find your Happy Place". I think I'm already there.
Do you ever feel guilty about being happy? I mean I hate to even mention it because there's a little superstitious bit of me that thinks that if I talk about how happy I am, maybe it'll all come crashing down around me.
Don't get me wrong, I have good days and bad days (case in point, I'm running on about 2 hours of interrupted sleep today due to a nasty cough), sometimes my children are very trying, sometimes I'm grumpy and things certainly don't always go my way, and sure, I could lose a hundred pounds or so, but all that stuff so doesn't seem to matter when I consider just how blessed I am.
This evening, I was sitting in our big plastic primary colored Ikea chairs (we need to invest in some outdoor furniture) with my boys, eating the pizza we'd made together and relishing in the gorgeous lake view, our lovely big grassy, tree lined, yard, discussing just how blessed we are. I feel compelled to remind my children that this life we lead is not typical. I want to somehow make them realize just how lucky they are so maybe they'll cherish their childhood more. Although really, it'll probably be well into their adulthood before it truly hits them. I don't mean to beat them over the head with it, but I suppose I do.
Do you boys realize that not everyone gets to live on a beautiful lake and roam around a camp all day?
Yeah.
Do you know that lots of kids don't have moms that can stay home with them, but have to go to work?
Yeah--we're lucky because you can do your job on the computer.
Do you realize . . .
Lately I've been having many gratitude days. You know, where you just sit around and count your blessings (The Restored Gospel of Jesus Christ, a beautiful place to live, a righteous husband, the peace that comes from living within our means, my children, my children, my children, lilacs, tomato plants, Indian food, a good job, and on and on). It makes me want to sing praises from the rooftops. But I suppose that would be a bit gratuitous wouldn't it?
It also makes me wonder what challenges lie in wait, but then I remind myself to enjoy the present and deal with the future when it gets here. It also makes me feel a little bit guilty, that perhaps I should have more children with whom to share this. But not guilty enough to consider pregnancy and infancy in any real terms--as if that were still feasible. But it does make me take more notice of ads for foster parents. But then I selfishly wonder if my idyllic days might come to a crashing halt if I were to upset the balance in such a dramatic way. And then I feel a little bit guilty about that.
But those little bits of guilt and wariness are swallowed so wholly in gratitude as I watch my children laugh out loud as they run through the sprinkler on the eve of summer. Right now, I think I'll just enjoy it.
2 comments:
You truly are blessed. I sometimes tend to also think that if life is great then it means something big/bad is going to happen. However, there is really no basis for that. We can grow amid our happiness and gratefulness -- as long as we continue to stretch ourselves and take advantage of every opportunity we can in that regard. I also am like you that I wonder if I should have more children just to give them a chance, but really I realize I can only handle so much! Anyway, enjoy your blessings, because they grow fast!
So Chowhound must have worked for you?
I am totally with you on this one (I'm usually totally with you, right?). I have been feeling some of the same things lately, especially as we start to think about the arrival of this next baby in more concrete terms. Like, terms that actually involve caring for an infant. We can't even count all the blessings. But we sure try.
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