Clue Me In

I'm looking for a motivational speaker that specializes in three-year-olds.

Anyone?

In potty training my eldest child, I learned three things:

1) You can lead a child to the potty, but you cannot make him pee.
2) Children potty-train themselves.
3) My child will only be successfully potty-trained when he wants to be.

So, here I am again. My child is 3.3 years old. When asked if he would like to sit on the potty his typical response is: NO! (and no, this answer does not change when there is a candy bribe involved). When asked when he's going to start using the potty, his typical response is: In five years.

May God grant me patience.

I wish I kept a better journal. I know that Ethan was somewhere between age 3 and 3.75 when he up and decided he was ready. Then, potty-trained himself--day and night, numbers one and two, in the space of about 5 days. So, my husband keeps reminding me that though I likewise feared sending Ethan to kindergarten with a diaper bag, or worse, handing his diaper bag to his bride, he did, in the end, pull through and this too shall pass.

I remember the day distinctly. At the urging of my dear friend, mother of five, (and shortly after Ethan threw the potty seat at me) I gave up the battle. I put the pull-ups and the big-boy underwear away in his closet and said nary a peep about the subject for some weeks, even months. Then, one morning as he's dressing he says: Mom, I want to wear big-boy underwear today. Alrighty then, you are in luck. There was that subsequent moment of panic when he pulls up the briefs and says They're Cold!! Knowing my child's clothing sensitivities and his propensity to never try anything again if his first experience is less than thrilling, I improvised. I grabbed the undies, tossed them in the microwave and zapped 'em for 30 seconds. Voila! Warm underwear! He never complained again.

Here I am now with Elliot. When? When?! WHEN?! WHEN will this child decide he is ready? We've tried bribery in all it's variations but wild horses cannot motivate my child to use the toilet (I tried--we played outside on a lovely spring day last week, watching the horses in the pasture. Elliot was coaxed into briefs and allowed to run around. Not 10 minutes later he was soaked to the skin). I keep thinking that tomorrow, I will set a timer and lead the child to the toilet every 20 minutes as my sister-in-law does in her potty-training-in-one-day madness. But let's face it, I am not that consistent nor committed. I tried to do this. I forgot to set the timer the first time and before I know it, it's afternoon. Besides, who's really being potty-trained here? Sure, a child may use the potty if he spends half his waking hours on the toilet. And mom is now trained to take him there every half-hour. And what happens when he refuses to respond to the timer or any coaxing? Did I mention I have stubborn children?

Alas, I am ready, the big-boy undies are ready. Dad and big brother are ready. We're just missing one piece: yagottawanna.

I guess it was Elliot, in the bathroom, with the potty-seat . . . Yes, but, what is the motive?