Cap and Trade

As I took the garbage to the FairyLand dump today I contemplated my trash. FairyLand is a bit of an EcoTrash sort of place. We like to recycle and compost around here. Some have even been known to use (shudder) cloth diapers. And please don't mention styrofoam, as it is harmful to fairy habitat and makes their little ears wither just to mention it.

I'm all for kindness to our environment, but I try not to get carried away--moderation in all things. As I said, I do recycle and compost, but perhaps not for the reasons you may think. Yes, I feel good because I'm told I'm doing my part to save Mother Earth when I carry my potato peels out back and stomp on my cardboard boxes . . . yada yada.

In most US cities, the magical garbage truck comes along in the wee hours of the morning once a week and magically gobbles up your garbage so you don't have to think about just where it might be going. These magical trucks cannot penetrate the uber-magic of FairyLand for very long. So, we have one big magical garbage truck which every now and again comes up to the dump and swaps out one giant compactor bin for another. But beyond that, it is my responsibility to feed my garbage to the giant compactor, which is not my friend.

I have been startled by wildlife jumping out of the compactor at me. I've slipped on the platform and nearly cracked my head open on said compactor. I compacted in the rain, I've compacted in the snow and I've compacted in 90 degrees, 100% humidity--not a pretty scent.

I've tried various methods such as collecting my stinky garbage (which consists almost entirely of poop) into a large can for a couple three weeks, hefting the large stinky can into my van and driving to the dump. This collection can attract bears however. I've tried nagging my husband to take care of the garbage, but I am a terrible nagger and would just as soon do it myself than nag. Recently I've begun taking the trash straight from under my kitchen sink, add the cat box contents, add the diaper pail contents, and head for the dump. This has been working fairly well. But nonetheless it requires loading the stinking stuff into my car and making a dump-run whenever my can overfloweth. So, I do my best to reduce the number of trips I must make.

But, and here is my guilty secret, not only do I really dislike the Fairyland dump, I really, really dislike a stinky cat box, and I really, really, really dislike the concept of cloth diapers. Therefore, I like to think I'm operating my own little cap and trade policy. By recycling and composting, I am off-setting my landfill input of disposable diapers and clumping cat litter. You may argue that it doesn't nearly offset those nasty disposable diapers and kitty chemicals. If that is true, perhaps I'll plant a tree or two, but I refuse to spend my days rinsing diapers in the toilet.

So you see, I don't recycle and compost just to save the planet (though that is a nice byproduct), I recycle and compost primarily to reduce the number of trips I have to make to the dump and to asuage my disposable diaper guilt.

. . . How many Hail Mary's does that require? Oh wait, I'm a Mormon, maybe I should call the Bishop.