Practice Makes Moderato

Three rehearsals down, one to go. The concert is this Sunday. Here's the play by play:

Last week's rehearsal: Grande Scherzo. I showed up, I suddenly had a stand partner and we had been moved to where we could better see the Maestro, but no longer was I sitting behind my favorite lead. I was sitting behind a nice young lady who, though plays very well, was not always playing the same music as I (and not just because I was playing it wrong thank you).

My newfound stand partner hadn't really seen the music before and so was muddling through it as was I, so we were absolutely no help to each other. I was beginning to wonder if I had seen the music before myself. I survived the rehearsal and headed home for more practice. I found myself practicing nearly 3 hours a day for a couple of days and suddenly had an epiphany: I'm not getting paid enough to put in 3 hours a day. I need to let go of the perfectionism (I always wondered where Ethan gets his need for control) and give myself permission to screw up. With four rehearsals, I am not going to get this perfectly. I will screw up in the concert. My aim right now is to minimize my screw ups rather than eliminate them. Practice makes moderato.

Thanks to conversations with my mother I was reminded that I am not doing this for the orchestra or the maestro or the audience. I am doing this for myself. Thanks Mom.

I had a wonderful conversation with a dear friend today who has inspired me by learning as an adult to play the cello and now plays with an orchestra in New York. He verbally slapped me upside the head and told me he would refuse let me quit. Grazie Principe.

And so, tonight at rehearsal, I was much much more relaxed. It helped that my stand partner didn't show up again (I get the feeling she's backing out of this concert) and we had a bunch of students playing third violin (so I am now a "role model") and was once again sitting behind my "friend". (I realized why she is such a help--she counts the beats almost out loud and makes such a grand movement when coming in that I can't help but follow her--she better not screw up).

I think that my mindset change has been key. I relaxed. I suddenly felt like I was somewhat competent. I played very mediocre-ly and actually recognized the pieces we were playing. Tonight's rehearsal felt much more like I had hoped--a musical release from my day to day, a bit of a challenge and a bit of beauty.