Life in the slow lane

I'm not overly fond of fast. I don't like fast cars. I vehemently detest motorcycles. I dislike most fast food (I have a soft spot for Taco Bell, I will admit). We moved to FairyLand in part to slow down life just a bit. I'm certainly not "into" technology either. This whole blogging thing came about a bit reluctantly. I don't generally desire the latest phone, computer, camera, gadget, gizmo or whatever. I don't feel a need for most fancy conveniences in automobiles--I'll admit I am fond of the leather seats in my new (used) minivan. I would be happy without power windows. I am however, a fan of efficiency. As such, I am fond of high-speed internet. Dial-up served me well for years. And then I started working from home. Logging into my company's virtual desktop system with any kind of efficiency requires high-speed internet.

I have a wonderful aunt. She's a first grade teacher who knows just how to say the most hilarious things at the perfect moment. Years ago we were sitting with extended family talking about the switch to high-speed. Straight-faced she says "I got so tired of trying to watch porn with dial up: head, head, head, neck, neck, neck, shoulder . . . " I fell off my chair laughing.

Like most things, you don't really know what you're missing, but once you get it, going backwards is difficult. So, a few years ago we opted for high-speed (the slowest high-speed option of course). Then, before we moved to FairyLand, one of the stipulations in our job search was the availability of high-speed internet. My husband flew out for the job interview and while he returned with bad news on the DSL front, he assured me we could get satellite internet anywhere.

That's pretty much what the satellite companies assured me of as well . . . until I'd purchased the fancy equipment and the guy with the soupy thick southern drawl showed up with a fancy little instrument to measure the angle to the satellite. The nice man spent an hour walking around our new home, pointing his thingy at the sky and shaking his head.

"Too many trees."

Itn't that the appeal of FairyLand?

"What are my options?"

"Cut 'em all down."

Great.

"So, how much does it cost to have you drive 2 hours out here to spend an hour telling me it's not possible?"

"$200"

Great.

So, I cried. My furniture hadn't arrived yet. I had 3 boxes of useless satellite equipment in my living room and was sure I would not be employed much longer. We'd just sold most of our possessions, moved a couple thousand miles across the country and it was a little late for my husband to turn down the job offer. So, I cried some more.

Then my husband discovered "high-speed dial up."

What?

Yep.

But, it has made it possible for me to remain employed the past 6 months--painfully. And now, hold your breath everyone . . . .

High-speed is coming to FairyLand!!!

It sounds too good to be true, so I'm trying not to get too excited. Turns out I'm not the only one desiring a bit of speed in the slow lane. And so, through a series of receivers and re-routers and other technology that I don't understand, I have been informed that I can sign up for high-speed satellite internet!!!

I just don't know what I'll do with all that time I'm not spending waiting for a page to load. Maybe I'll view the pictures people post--not just the top third. Maybe I'll be able to open all those silly forwards my brothers send. Maybe I'll download conference! Maybe we'll set up the video camera thingy and talk to grandma. The possibilities are endless.