The quiet spot has been a bit of a bust. In the heat of the rage, it's hard to convince a 4-year-old to head out to his place of peace. I even tried locking him out once. That didn't work. What has worked? Bribery. Pure, shameless bribery. Someone once described bribery of children as paying them for doing their job. Well, if that makes us feel better about it. I look at bribery as short-term. Right now, I pay Ethan one dollar for every 10 dried beans he can put in his bean jar. How does he earn beans for his bean jar? By not throwing fits, hitting me, screaming at me and all other such nonsense. I used to offer to pay him for extra chores. I've decided that extra chores will come later and now take a back seat to communication without screaming, insults or physical abuse. My theory is that with time, he will learn to control his anger and the bribery will fall by the wayside. We'll see.
So far, it's working rather well. I'd say that perhaps 50% of the time, if I catch him in that moment before he completely loses it, he'll opt for the bean over the fit. And the best part about it is that he has been using his money to buy back from me the toys I confiscated during his last giant rage. We'll see how long that lasts.
Tonight we ate at a Chinese restaurant. My husband pointed out after reading our place-mats that while he (Snake) and I (Ox) are zodiac-ally compatible (considering we're 7 years into this deal, I'd hate to have discovered otherwise), the last line of the Ox's description says "Will have difficulty with Sheep (Ethan)." I did a bit more research into the Chinese Zodiac and also discovered that the Sheep "needs plenty of time alone in which to feed its Muse". Hmmm . . . back to the quiet spot perhaps?
4 comments:
It's so hard, isn't it? The good news is that kids grow out of this fit throwing phase. We're big believers in the bribery tactics. Anything to create peace, right? Soon you won't have to use it because little Ethan will mature and be able to reason with.
You give me hope. I have visions of an adult Ethan sitting in anger management classes . . .
Jen-
I love reading your blog. I love how honest you are about how difficult it can be to parent a strong willed child. Bella is a lot like Ethan, and I know it is going to get a lot worse before it gets better. I have often felt like my child is the only child who is defiant, and that I must just be a bad parent for having such a hard time with her. I have learned a lot from watching you. So I hope you don't mind if you get emails or phone calls from me (a basketcase of a mother) pleading for help. I love and miss you guys!
Holly, I can't wait for your calls and emails! We need to get Bella and the boys together . . . then why don't we take them to a nice restaurant or a china shop and see what happens!
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